Adjusting

I forgot how much work a newborn baby is.

And I had no idea how difficult two children would be.

Don't get me wrong. Joey is incredibly sweet, and I am excited to see how Jack develops as a big brother. It is just that right now the needs for my involvement in both of their lives is incredibly intense.

Joey requires lots (as in almost constant) of feeding and burping and soothing and diaper changing.

Jack requires lots of supervision around Joey, affirmation that he is still my baby too, as well as lots of feeding and diaper changing.

Jack is giving me

more and more

cues that he is ready for

potty training.

I can't even begin to

fathom how to go about

that process.

Oh dear! We're in for a fun

couple of months,

that is for sure!

To cope with the new pace of my life I've shut off my thinking for a few weeks.

I'm not sure if it is a good tactic or not, but so far it seems to be working. It allows me get through each day without an excessive amount of tears or guilt and a reasonable energy level for the next day.

At some point, I realize that I will need to return to making intentional decisions about parenting, housework and all the other components of my life, but for now, I think I'm allowed to coast.

I have had a few meltdowns at random points.

Andy has been INCREDIBLE

as a support and encourager.

My favorite part of becoming

a four-person family has been

seeing Andy develop as a husband

and dad.

In each new season of our life

I realize anew what

a valiant and godly

man I have married and

I am

SO

THANKFUL!

I think the biggest thing that stretches my emotional capacity and causes me to freak out - meltdown - overreact - whatever you want to call it is the feeling that I had just got myself and my life and my child in order and now I have to start all over.

I felt so confident with Jack and had a system for most things: showering, planning meals, spending quality time in God's word, bedtime... but now everything feels upended, like I need to reconstruct each component of my world to accommodate or make space for our new little bug.

The task seems daunting.

But I keep reminding myself, it took almost two years to get to that point as a mom of one, I can't be hard on myself if it needs to take that long with two children. The reality is that two years goes by amazingly quickly when you are talking about kid years.

So for now, I will go about my days, not thinking too hard, or being overly critical of what I can or can't do. I'll remember what I'm moving toward, but be content if my steps are small. I'll smile as often as I can, try and say "no!" to Jack as little as possible, and extend Grace to myself and those around me.

My life will never be the same, but that doesn't make it any less sweet.