More and more I am learning to appreciate the life I am living.
We have been back in Washington for a wee bit more than four months now, and just within the last few weeks, I feel like I have “woken up” from the fog and fatigue that come with big changes.
I was trying to express to a friend the liberation I was feeling and she asked me if I could pinpoint a reason for the change in my mood and outlook.
Well, for one, the sun has been out for almost a whole week, which I realize goes a LONG way with me. I will have to be mindful of that on grey and drizzly days.
I also have had some kid-free time to wander and enjoy silence. Another piece of the puzzle of knowing myself better. For as much as I love hustle and bustle, I NEED silence.
And to make the final crack in my shell of survival mode, I have put words to my dreams and set my feet on a path to make them happen.
That is no small matter, I assure you.
Dreaming is hard work. It is incredibly scary to say out loud what you wish for in your heart. What if people laugh? Or worse (for me) what if someone thinks you can’t, or shouldn’t do it...
Yes, very scary.
But as I have been mulling over what makes my heart come alive, what gets me excited and what I gravitate to over and over, I have come to the conclusion that it is much more dangerous to try and silence a dream that it is to chase it.
There are parts of my longing that will have to be patient. I give them space to grow and nod to me, but because of either time, or skill, or finances, they just can’t happen right now. For many months that was frustrating to me. I felt stifled. Like I was suffocating under the weight of the things I couldn’t do RIGHT NOW.
Until I started looking for all the things that I CAN do.
Because every end goal has tiny steps that need to be taken to get there. Every skill worth developing is built with small blocks that add up to something big in the end.
So, I started looking for the tiny ways I could move forward.
I started to say yes.
And when I started to say yes, instead of focusing on the no... The way opened up before me.
I am feeling a bit dramatic as I type this.
But I am really, really excited.
I feel as if I have pushed my boat out into a strong current and its momentum is pulling me along.
I try and steel myself for the day when I have to do the hard work of paddling my boat, but for this very moment, I am enjoying the swift and exhilarating ride down this river.
To say yes. To acknowledge the want and to DO SOMETHING about it is a wonderful feeling.
I hope, dear friends, that you find some space to let dreams spring up.
Find the courage to say yes to the little things.
Look at what you CAN do, right now, and do it.
Let hope and enthusiasm meet you as you celebrate each step in the right direction.
And silence the voice that wonders if your dream is big enough and godly enough and good enough. If you listen to that voice you will do nothing. So quiet it and go do SOMETHING!