What Dreams Look Like

Now that I’ve left you wondering about what these dreams I’m chasing are... It is time for some details.

I started writing about them a few days ago and after I got through about four pages of words I thought, “I might need to break this up.”

So, this is the “what it looks like” edition. I hope to share more of the why in the future. 

But, exciting things are happening around my house that are fun to talk about and fun to  share. 

I am now officially a CrossFit coach! 

SQUEEE!

Yes, it is true. 

People show up to my house in black leggings and I ask them to do hard things, and then they do it!

A couple of months ago a friend of mine was lamenting a stuck place in her life, specifically in the area of fitness. 

I felt like an absolute fraud, but I offered to have her come to my house a few times a week to do push ups and squats and maybe lift some heavy things. 

I kept reminding her that I am just a regular girl who happens to like CrossFit and happens to have a few pieces of equipment in my garage, and that I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, but I was willing to cheer her on.

Well, she showed up, despite my disclaimer. 

Then I opened up the invitation to a few more gals, since it is infinitely more fun to workout with people than alone (in my opinion). My open invitation received a much eager response than I expected. 

Suddenly, I had FIVE girls showing up three times a week to get sweaty.

Then, Andy and I got the wild idea to get enough equipment for all these brave ladies. 

So, in our house that is still without a couch, we installed a few pull up bars, collected some kettle bells, wall balls and weight sets and invited a few more people to join the fun.

Now, we have “classes.” We have a website. We have a GYM!

And I am a coach.

Who would have guessed?!

The more that people started showing up, the more responsible I felt to make sure they were being safe, and that the workouts we were doing would move them toward their goals. 

So, I chased another wild hare and registered to go through the official CrossFit coaching course. 

This in itself was an amazing experience to me. I mentioned to a friend that I thought I should get a little more instruction on how to coach and she suggested that I go through the course. I looked it up online and low and behold, there was a course in Washington, just three weeks away. Every other course, around the country, before and for months after was already sold out. Except the one I needed.

So this past weekend, I spent full days practicing squats and lifts and learning how to teach pull ups and why CrossFit is what it is. I almost cried twice, from appreciation and warm feelings toward this culture and community of people and sport.

I came home feeling slightly more informed, but still just a girl who likes CrossFit. More than anything, I was inspired to keep chasing excellence - stronger skills in coaching, in my own fitness, in my challenge and encouragement to others. 

The more I coach, the more I see people improve, the more I practice being an athlete and trainer, the more I love my days. 

I feel full of energy and enthusiasm. I am inspired by the women who come to my house and try hard and scary things. I feel a huge sense of possibility for what our family is moving toward. 

I feel a freedom to fail that is new and refreshing. And equally exciting, I feel a freedom to succeed! 

Our little gym might grow, it might stay just a hobby, but whatever it is, it is fun! And I will love it for what it is.

So, if you are in our area, and want a good workout, stop by The Compound! I promise I’ll be nice!

What happens when you say yes?

More and more I am learning to appreciate the life I am living.

We have been back in Washington for a wee bit more than four months now, and just within the last few weeks, I feel like I have “woken up” from the fog and fatigue that come with big changes. 

I was trying to express to a friend the liberation I was feeling and she asked me if I could pinpoint a reason for the change in my mood and outlook.

Well, for one, the sun has been out for almost a whole week, which I realize goes a LONG way with me. I will have to be mindful of that on grey and drizzly days.

I also have had some kid-free time to wander and enjoy silence. Another piece of the puzzle of knowing myself better. For as much as I love hustle and bustle, I NEED silence. 

And to make the final crack in my shell of survival mode, I have put words to my dreams and set my feet on a path to make them happen.

That is no small matter, I assure you.

Dreaming is hard work. It is incredibly scary to say out loud what you wish for in your heart. What if people laugh? Or worse (for me) what if someone thinks you can’t, or shouldn’t do it...

Yes, very scary.

But as I have been mulling over what makes my heart come alive, what gets me excited and what I gravitate to over and over, I have come to the conclusion that it is much more dangerous to try and silence a dream that it is to chase it.

There are parts of my longing that will have to be patient. I give them space to grow and nod to me, but because of either time, or skill, or finances, they just can’t happen right now. For many months that was frustrating to me. I felt stifled. Like I was suffocating under the weight of the things I couldn’t do RIGHT NOW.

Until I started looking for all the things that I CAN do. 

Because every end goal has tiny steps that need to be taken to get there. Every skill worth developing is built with small blocks that add up to something big in the end.

So, I started looking for the tiny ways I could move forward. 

I started to say yes.

And when I started to say yes, instead of focusing on the no... The way opened up before me.

I am feeling a bit dramatic as I type this. 

But I am really, really excited.

I feel as if I have pushed my boat out into a strong current and its momentum is pulling me along. 

I try and steel myself for the day when I have to do the hard work of paddling my boat, but for this very moment, I am enjoying the swift and exhilarating ride down this river.

To say yes. To acknowledge the want and to DO SOMETHING about it is a wonderful feeling.

I hope, dear friends, that you find some space to let dreams spring up. 

Find the courage to say yes to the little things.

Look at what you CAN do, right now, and do it. 

Let hope and enthusiasm meet you as you celebrate each step in the right direction. 

And silence the voice that wonders if your dream is big enough and godly enough and good enough. If you listen to that voice you will do nothing. So quiet it and go do SOMETHING!

What I Daydream About

Ever wonder what I daydream about?

Probably not.

But in case you do, let me tell you.

Better yet, let me show you:

A stomach like this

And a bottom like this

And moving like this

I went over to my sweet mum's house yesterday and she had the Athleta catalogue on her table. I picked it up and was immediately in love. And in envy of every bum photographed.

I feel like a five year old, thumbing through the pages over and over, composing a mental shopping list.

I find it weird that I've sort of glazed over the fact that in two months or so I will be in labor with our second child. And after that, I will be nursing and not sleeping much and chasing a two-year old.

Somehow I've skipped ahead to six weeks after Joey's arrival to that magical time when my doctor will give me a thumbs up and release me back to the gym.

How is it that I'm so tired now, so worn-out feeling and so, let's be honest, pathetic, but what sounds the greatest to me is a really sweaty work out? I wish I could bottle the craving for when the time comes and use it to motivate me to actually get back in shape.

Since I know that my memory is pitiful as a pregnant woman and as a new mama, you'll have to remind me of this blog post. I'm thinking about cutting out pictures from that catalogue to keep me ambitious. But then again, it could just make me depressed.

I'll have to see. Maybe I'll just tuck the whole catalogue into my dresser to be pulled out at an appropriate time.

Whatever I do when the time actually comes, you can be before that I will have ogled the catalogue at least once a day for the next week or so. Ahhh... sports bras, yoga pants, tennis shoes... I'll see you soon!

Feel Free To Copy Me

Next week marks the beginning of what I hope will be a thriving and delicious tradition.

Starting Monday, three families (counting my own) are embarking on a dinner co-op experiment.

What I mean is, one night a week I will cook a big meal and deliver portions to two of my neighboring families. Then, they will do the same for me. So I will cook one big meal each week, and get two worry-free meals in exchange. That sounds lovely to me.

Especially since cooking six adult servings is really not that much more work than cooking two.

In my mind this plan is a terrific one. I only hope that it turns out as perfectly as I am imagining.

What should I make for my first meal delivery? Oh the choices!

Speaking of food choices, yesterday I made the most spectacular spinach salad for lunch. This felt like a major accomplishment since I have mostly eaten microwaved nachos for lunch the last few months. I think there is something about hot cheese and corn chips that sooth me when I'm tired and strained. Remember how I used cheesy dip to cope after Jack was born?

Anyhow, my salad had a lush base of spinach and was generously topped with pear cubes, avocado and cucumber (and maybe a little feta cheese). I am planning on having another today.

Okay, and speaking of food in general, have you ever wanted to be a food blogger?

My friend Rosemary is one and she is getting famous. It is pretty awesome to know someone who is in the process of becoming famous.

If I were to confess a whim of my heart, it would be to have a blog like this or this.

I love the look. I love the idea of having different components of self-promoted expertise. If I ever had a big blog, I would have a tab for food, a tab for marriage, one for weird kids and maybe one for "Dear Fancy." What I really love is bossing. And telling people what to do and how to do it, which is, basically, bossing, and I already said that...

Awkward pause...

Anyway, I'm too afraid and lazy to ever set out to host a big blog. So I'll just have to continue to secretly dream and enjoy what other people have accomplished.

But back to the original question, what to make on Thursday for six adults to impress them and make them look forward to every time it is my turn to bring dinner?

I addition to bossing I also like impressing.

I think that might be something I need to reign in... but until a major internal examination and attitude overhaul, I still need to plan dinner!

Your ideas are welcome!

A Dream Come True

This morning as I was waking up I dreamt that I had a big paper bag full of specialty pastries waiting for me on the counter. As I moved from dream state to awake I thought, "Oh yeah! I have those delicious goodies to start my day!" I was thrilled and motivation for getting out of bed was building, until I realized that there were no pastries. Not even any good cereal or bread for toast.

Our cupboards are bare.

But I did get to sleep in, which is almost as good as pastries so my day still was looking bright.

Then Andy stopped by for a few minutes as he often does before his first job starts. Jack was still asleep so I parked myself on the couch and chatted with Andy while he was working on his online class. I mentioned my dream about the sweet treats and he said, "Should I go get you some pastries?"

Gasp!

Of course!

And he did! He went to my favorite bakery and brought back two delicious choices. He had to call me to see what I preferred of what they had out for the day and he said that when he went back in to order the woman behind the counter said, "I wish my husband would do that for me!"

Is it wrong to feel good when someone else is jealous of how great your husband is?

It probably is a little wrong.

But I still kind of like it.

I Don't Hate Swimming

First, let me tell you what an incredible husband I have. 

We're down to about 13 weeks before the triathlon, which means I'm kind of freaking out.  It is always a struggle to try and get to the gym, especially when I know I'll be there for more than an hour and especially when Jack is being extra clingy (which he really, really is right now).  So Andy comes home from work and sends me right off to the gym, tells me to take my time and hugs me when I get home, even though I'm all sweaty.

Oh man, I'm so lucky.

Second, wait, I'm not done with Andy.

On Saturday, Mother's Day Eve, ANDY MADE ME DINNER. Not just a frozen meal that I bought so that he could make. He sneakily went shopping, planned the menu and served me a plate of salmon, mashed potatoes and veggies (he only made greens for me, but he made them because he knows I like them). Not only did he make dinner. He also set the table with a shrimp appetizer before hand and after dinner had settled, he pulled out some delicious creamy dessert in yummy chocolate cups.

Oh man, I'm SO lucky.

Third... op! Still not done.

As if dinner wasn't enough. On Sunday I slept in, a good two hours later than I have in, oh, say, about 14 months. When I finally roused myself and walked out into the living room, I discovered a huge bouquet of peach roses and yellow lilies and two, TWO, cards. I got the lovey dovey one from Andy and then I got one from Jack with really wobbly handwriting. I looked at it for a little bit and then realized that Andy had put the pen in Jack's hand to write it. 

So cute!

Speaking of so cute, look at these legs:

And this little boy who wants to be just like dad already:

Three and a half: I should also mention that he made me a delicious breakfast of blueberry waffles, strawberries and scrambled eggs. When I commented on how yummy the waffles were he proudly and somewhat sheepishly said, "They're whole wheat!" 

That's how you know a man loves you. When he buys you whole wheat waffles. 

Really, SO LUCKY!

Okay, fourth - what I wanted to tell you all along - I don't hate swimming. 

I'm kind of amazed by that. 

I went to the gym tonight and ran a really slow two miles and then went to the pool. I got a late start, so I only got to swim about 20 minutes, but the whole time I just kept thinking, "I like this." 

I even thought that after the really weird dream that I had about swimming that involved horses sticking their faces in the pool, forgetting Jack in the water, swimming with my bike seat between my legs and getting tangled in a net and narrow lane... hmm...

So anyway, I just wanted you to know. I like my husband. And I like swimming. 

Not to be confused with loving to slice cantaloupe. 

Just joking.  I LOVE Andy.

That reminds me. Have I told you about how we first exchanged "I Love Yous"? I'll have to write that one out some time. It is always good for a laugh.

Cheers!

Accomplishment

For the record (and for Jack's grandmas who read this blog) this week has been a momentous one for Jack.

Not only has his slither-scoot-army crawl blossomed into a full fledged, if not somewhat awkward, hands-and-knees crawl, but he has a TOOTH!

I was picking him up from the Y's Childwatch and the sweet lady who was caring for him said, "And I see that he's getting a little tooth."  I played it cool, "Oh yeah!  He's growing so much!" But in my head I was thinking, "A Tooth!!!  How did you see it before me?!"  I've been faked out so many times by Jack's "teeth" that I almost didn't believe her.  But sure enough, when I stick my finger in his mouth, I feel a tooth! Wow, this is a big week for the Aichele baby!

I wish my accomplishments racked up as quickly!  My mind is pretty ambitious about what I want to do "some day" but it seems like it is going to be an awfully long wait for that day to arrive.  

For example, I would really love to be a life coach, which will require some more schooling (read, heavy investment of time and money) but as of right now, it is ambiguous if/when that will ever happen.  I love the idea of being a momprenuer (a new buzzword of the business world by the way) but am thwarted again by all the hurdles, perceived and actual, that impede that goal.  

I would like to participate in a triathlon, have rockin' hair, go on What Not To Wear...

Okay, total side note... 

Tomorrow is the day I am going to meet Clinton!

What am I going to wear?!  

How am I going to get past the guards that will try

and keep me from entering 

because I don't fit in the 14W-24W sizes?  

Will therebe guards?  

I hope so, that would be so exciting... 

Anyhow, wouldn't  you know it, just the day before 

the big rendezvous, my skin is misbehaving!  

Bad skin!  

Months and months of a radiant, blemish-free complexion

 and suddenly I'm spotted!

Oh well, life goes on.  

I'll console myself with dreams of 

what would happen if I were to win 

the drawing for a $500 shopping spree... 

*daydreamy smile*

And now back to the real stuff...

 

... invest in marriages, have the house that all the kids want to hang out at, travel the world, invest in my community, learn web design, plant a garden, live mindfully, challenge people to live more joyful lives, sell a painting... my list is long...

Many of these things feel like they will be on hold for a while.  Some of them I've made excuses that keep me from starting.  I wonder why I do that. Whatever the reason, I don't like that I do it. The paralyzed life is one that I do NOT want to live. 

So this week I have been making strides toward accomplishing items on my list.  I spent yesterday morning at MOPS, taking the first steps to meet other moms.  I made a trip to the craft store and bought supplies to make Christmas presents.  I've cleaned my house each night before I go to bed so I can wake up with a fresh start, I even went to Zumba at the gym to practiced groovin'.

I am satisfied with what I've done.  

My greatest accomplishment today?  Getting a seven month old and a four month old to take naps simultaneously (without one peep!) and during that time, taking a shower, doing the dishes and posting a blog.  It may not be the finish line at a triathlon, but it is surely something worth celebrating!

  

The Grass is Greener

I miss having co-workers.

Don't misunderstand me.  I am SO thankful to be able to focus my energy on my family and not have to divide my attention between a profession, or even "just" a job, and the boys I love best.  I know being a "stay at home mom" is a coveted position and I do my best to not take it for granted. However, there are a few aspects of having a real (as in paid, with set hours and a specific location in which to do your work) job that I am coveting this morning:

1. COWORKERS: Mal, Christy, Marli... I miss you!  When I worked, there was always someone to talk to, to bounce ideas off of, to laugh with... now to have those relational moments I have to be very intentional.  The fact is, most of the United States is busy.  To schedule time with people involves two or three phone calls/text messages/e-mails and the examination of several calendars.  So much simpler to just walk down a cubical or two and say high or share some tea with a comrade. 

2. HAVING A BOSS:  A boss tells you what to do.  If he's a good boss, expectations are clear and you know what you are responsible for.  Motherhood is pretty much a guessing game for me.  There is lots of advice out there, but nobody is laying out the plan... that's my job now.  Man!  It takes so much mental energy.  There are days when I just wish that someone would tell me what to do and save me the effort!

3. PROJECTS WITH A DEFINED END: I miss the satisfaction of knowing that I have accomplished something.  There is instant gratification in saying, "Yes!  That task is done! For good!  And done well!"  There is no end, finish, time off or checked box for being a wife and mom.  

4. FEEDBACK: Jack really isn't at the stage yet where he can say, "Wow.  You're a great mom.  You are really instilling strong values in me and teaching me how to one day be a happy, successful adult.  Thanks mom!"  At work, if you do a job well, you usually hear at least a "thank you." But at this point in my life I have to keep doing my best with little feedback or affirmation.

Friends, this whole motherhood gig is hard work.  With the strength that God provides, I will face the challenge, but I have to accept the fact that life is full of choices.  To follow one dream you often give up another.  Luckily I am pursuing this dream with a dear husband and delightful family and friends.  There may not be the instant praise that I crave or the simplicity of executing someone else's plan, but there is the sweet satisfaction of know that I am where I need to be for this moment and that there is grace for each day.

Dreams Really Do Come True

First things first, let me just exclaim again that I must have one of the world's most amazing babies!  Truly! 

When I get him up in the morning, after a few minutes of cuddling and feeding, I take him to his changing station, which happens to be in our living room, on the floor.  I change his diaper and we make goo goo faces at each other and I tickle is tummy.  Then, he really loves it if I just leave him there.  

He rolls himself over and explores his own little corner of the house.  I usually stash a few toys in the vicinity for him to find.  He turns in circles and rolls around and occupies himself for a good 15 minutes while I brush my teeth, make some coffee, or blog!  

What a baby!

In addition to a dream baby, I have had a couple of exciting moments in the past few days.  

I'm thrilled, because fall has finally settled into my heart.  Our days are still warm and more beautiful than anything we had this summer, but the mornings are foggy and cool.  I ran out to my car this weekend with bare feet and found the pavement cool and delightful.  Not only that, I could see my breath!  Happy Sigh.  I love you fall.

Another reason I'm excited that fall is here?  My new fall jacket!!!!!!!!!! (that is 10 exclamation points! ) Ladies, it is lovely.  It was also expensive.  In general, I'm a cheepy when it comes to buying clothes.  I shop at Kohl's, Target, T.J. Max and the clearance racks.  I'm okay with that.  I'm even a little proud of it.  

But on Sunday Andy took Jack for the day (which was wonderful in itself) and I went shopping with my sister. We were blessed with a little extra money this month and Andy and I decided that we could both have a little "treat" for being so diligent and frugal the last few months. Lizzie and I were hunting for shoes (I am notorious for only wearing flip flops and I'm working hard to acquire suitable cool weather alternatives) but spied some lush looking jackets in a window and went in to have a closer look.

These outer-garments were amazing.  As in: INCREDIBLE, BREATH TAKING, EVERYTHING THAT I COULD EVER WANT IN A JACKET!

I tried on an orange tweed one first and was immediately in love with it.  Unfortunately the price tag was quite a bit more than I had planned on spending.  We continued to walk around the store while I clutched the coat, refusing to set it down, even though I was fully aware that I wouldn't walk out of the store with it.  I think I tried it on about four times in a half hour.  

So in one hand I had the fabulous orange.  A few minutes later I spied a bright green jacket.  A little more appropriate for winter, and... on sale!  So I tried on the green.  It was lovely, but it just didn't have the WOW that the orange did.  

So I continued to carry both around, weighing my options.  In one hand: a jacket that is so "me" it makes me want to cry, but that will probably only be warm enough for the fall and that is more money than I want to spend... but I LOVE it.  In the other hand: a jacket that I really, really like, that will make it through fall and winter and that is right in my price range.  But isn't the orange jacket.  Hmmm....

So I asked the sales associate to put them both on hold while I took a walk and thought about it.  

Eventually, practicality won over vanity (but just barely).  As I purchased the green jacket I did one of those prayers.  You know, the one where you say, "God, if you felt like it, and you decided to give me extra money, some how, some way, for some reason, if you did, could I please come back and get the other coat?"  It is like praying for your sports team to win, or praying that you pass a test in school.  You know that in the scheme of life, it really is very minor, but you can't stop yourself from praying anyway.  

So I went home, fully content with my purchase.

Then, yesterday Andy was looking through some medical bills that we had.  Most of our "extra money" this month was going to be for paying those bills.  As he was getting ready to write the checks he was commenting on how silly some of the charges were.  So with great resolution he said, "I'm going to go talk to them in person.  These are just ridiculous!" And he did.

Within the hour he sent me a text message.  Our bills that were over a $1000 were reduced to less than $300!!!  Way to go Andy!  My hero!

You can guess my first thought.

Last night we went back to the store and now I have both jackets!!!  Very happy sigh.  Thanks God!

I thought about having Andy take a picture of me in the jackets last night, so I could show you how fabulous they are, but I decided that he might have had enough of my raving and dancing and cheering about the jacket.  I'll save that request for another day.

...

Since I spent so long talking about my new fall clothing, I'll have to be quick with my final wonder-moment.  I'm sure I'll expound later, so I feel safe in summing it up.  If all goes as planned (which I know it doesn't always) I will meet CLINTON KELLY!

In November my mom and I are going to a fall-fashion preview he is doing at Macy's.  I can't wait!  Oh Clinton Kelly.  I'm so glad you are gay because otherwise I don't think my fondness for you would be appropriate. This way, we can just be friends.  I really hope you like my new coat.  

...

Contented sigh.  I am one lucky girl.

Something Big

I confess a dream that some day I will do something big.  It isn't pride, a notion that I am great and will do great things, it is more of a sense of calling, a dissatisfaction with mundane.  

But today is Monday and that means I do a lot of little things.  I play with Dane, I play with Jack.  I feed Dane, I feed Jack.  I play peek-a-boo and I get peed on.  We make a big mess and  I clean it up... Mondays are filled with ordinary.

In the midst of all these commonplace activities, I still feel that draw to BIG.  It seems like each of the ordinary undertakings of my life are preparing me for whatever that big thing might be.

I want to be a woman who influences, who inspires, who challenges and who calls out the amazing in other people.  

But I want the best of both worlds.  I want to cherish the little moments that are shaping me while I wait expectantly for the big events.  I want to relish the sweet smiles of my baby and the conversations with friends. Each of my every day tasks are giving me a chance to grow, to learn and to store up credibility.  

Lord, give me the strength and wisdom to do the ordinary tasks well and to dream your dreams.