This evening Andy asked me, "Are you going to tell people about it?" and I emphatically said "No!" I said, "Are YOU going to tell people about it?" He assured me that the details are mine to keep. I figure "it" - believe me, "it" needs the quotation marks! - will become one of those stories a few years down the road that we pull out to demonstrate how our marriage has developed and why we remain so deeply in love. But it really will have to wait a few years.
After two long naps and a glass of apple juice, I was well enough to sit on the couch. But that was about it.
Luckily, Jack was a dream today. It was all I could manage to select a show for him to watch from our DVR. Usually, if I have too many shows on in a day I notice that he gets really feisty and sassy from being too sedentary and having too little of my attention. But today he entertained himself and told me cute stories and at random moments would come kiss my hair or coo at Joey.
When I did turn the tv off he curled up on the couch with me and Joey and played a game he invented which involved him trying to stick a turquoise rock in my belly button. He thought it was hilarious. I usually hate having my belly button (not my belly... my belly button) touched, but I made an exception because he liked it so very much.
I would like you to know
that I almost
wrote a little quip
about expecting his hand
to get lost in the folds of my tummy
but I didn't
it isn't true.
I love this body of mine that has
grown and birthed two sweet boys.
I will continue to love and care for it
regardless of what I want it to be - right now
or what it once was and no longer is.
Despite feeling so yucky, I thought, "This is a sweet life."
In other news:
At six-weeks postpartum, something magical happened. I don't remember such a sudden shift with Jack (I don't remember a lot about those first few months with Jack), but with Joey, the first few weeks I really wondered if I was going to bounce back.
Now, things are still hard. I'm still tired, but life seems manageable. The shift was so dramatic that I wondered if there is some hormone flush that happens at that point, or if that is how long it takes your body to acclimate to a torturous sleep cycle... or if there is some other physiological change that happens exactly at that milestone.
It could be that, or it could just be that I have mastered a few essential life skills with two babies:
- I can pack the diaper bag, get them out the door and load them into the van all by myself.
- I can nurse Joey and walk, if needed, to retrieve destructive or noisy toys from Jack.
- I can bathe both boys at the same time.
- I can leave the house without my hair fixed and not feel all that bad about it.
- And I survived Andy being gone for a full four days... joyfully!
In addition to the practical skills, I think I've let go of some pretty harsh expectations I've had for myself (see above, tummy side note). Everyone in my life loves me, regardless of how put together I look when go out, or how much I do or don't get done, or even how much more frequently I struggle to be patient with Jack and fail.
I am loved.
And recognizing that has lifted a load.
I know that there are many good days and many hard days before me. But this evening, I am once again enjoying the journey. God has good things in store for this family and I am so happy to be where I am.