This morning could have been disastrous. The door to one of my kitchen cupboards maliciously jumped from its hinges and attacked me. It now lays (lies?) peacefully on my stove, waiting for Andy or the landlady to return it to its home. I am out of chai, my morning kick start. The baby I watch on Fridays came over in a grouchy mood. Our car appears to be on its last leg.
I could have sent Andy a text message telling him that the cupboard broke, but what can he do about it at work? I've learned that if he can't do anything about it from where he is, then it just frustrates him, and I don't get the compassionate response I'm looking for. So, the door news can wait a few hours.
I'm out of chai. I have been for three days. For the first two hours of the morning I pined away. Hoping that miraculously someone would offer to bring me a Starbucks. I even considered getting annoyed that nobody had offered. After all, I posted my plight on FB, shouldn't all my friends come running with caffeinated beverages? No? I'm really not that self-inflated, but don't even try to tell me that you have never found your mind wandering down that path. So, instead of becoming irritated, I whipped up a pretty good imitation of an iced latte to satisfy my need for a sweet, cold, creamy, caffeinated start to my morning.
The cranky baby (who I love dearly and am glad to have come over once a week) finally went to bed and Jack found his rhythm
Side Story:
That is the first time,
I think in my whole life,
that I have typed or written
the word RHYTHM
without needing spell check.
I love the word,
but for some reason I can
never
ever
remember how to spell it.
I always want to use a
U.
What?
Spelling is not my strong suit.
Obviously.
for the morning. He is now playing peacefully in the corner with some blocks. My house is quiet except for the sound of worship playing in the background and my fingers clicking on the keyboard. [Amendment: Before I finished this, the cranky baby woke up still cranky, so my house is quiet except for the music and shrill whining and intermittent crying and Jack talking to the other baby asking him why he is so cranky.]
Also,
Jack has his first scraped knee.
He is officially a boy!
He didn't even cry.
What a tough guy!
Our car, our car. A few days ago it started overheating if I drove it more than, say ten minutes. I drive a pretty impressive beater. I am actually still driving my first car. Since this anyway. It has been a trooper of a car. No real repairs needed. Or maybe just one. I can't remember exactly. But it really has just kept going and going and going. But now we are at a place where we need to decide, do we spend our money on fixing our junker or do we spend a little bit more and get our vehicle for the next few years?
While all of these decisions could have been an opportunity for marital strife or "I'm right, you're wrong" attitudes to settle into our conversations, it hasn't been that at all. I am learning more and more how to trust my husband and his process for making decisions. I know when his strengths are not my strengths and I think he is learning the same. We're learning to show each other courtesy and respect and we are learning together to trust God for his best.
When our car started overheating I asked Andy if he was worried and he simply said, "No. It's God's car." Oh wise husband of mine.
I'm learning how to worship and study God's word as a wife and mom (sheesh, how 'bout it takes me a year of motherhood to even start to get this figured out). I'm learning how to love. I'm learning how to make space in my life to hear the Holy Spirit and space to enjoy the life I am living today.
I feel like I say the same thing over and over. But I am a slow learner I guess. Each day it feels fresh. Each day feels like a new chance to see God's faithfulness or see my own attempts at a "good life" fall short.
I hope that I am always learning. I hope that my character is being refined and than my attitudes are becoming more and more in line with the attitudes of Christ. I hope that I don't measure the quality of my life by "happy" but rather by joy, contentment, peace, obedience and love.
I hope that I remember this all tomorrow when I wake up.
I give you permission to remind me if I start sounding a little cranky or forgetful or selfish.
Third and final Side Note:
I was talking to a sweet friend
earlier this week.
I think I was complaining.
I was processing.
Asking questions.
You know how girly conversations go.
And she,
with no apology,
no preamble,
told me I was being selfish.
That is what real friendship looks like I think.
Thank you Allison.
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