Sunday, August 17, 2008

Overwhelmed

I'm overwhelmed.  In an good, amazed sort of way.  

Here's what my life looks like at this moment: 

Jack is snoozing and I just finished a thrown together lunch (nachos with cheddar and feta cheese - not very Emily like, but it is what I had in the fridge - and I like it) and ice water.  The Olympics are on in the background, Parenting magazine is open on my living room floor.  

My life is lovely.  My husband adores me and tells me so.  My baby is happy and healthy.  I have more than I need.

I live in a world that is assaulted by media that sells fear, guilt and discontent.  It is commonplace to hear those emotions seep into conversations.  Fear from Christians that they aren't living God's will.  Guilt from mothers that they aren't providing the most perfect environment for their precious babies to thrive.  Discontent from everyone that gas is too expensive, they can't afford brand name jeans and he said this or didn't do that. 

I think we get in the habit of being unhappy.  It seems unfathomable to live without those emotions.  Impossible.  Even scary.  If I'm not discontent, what will I be?  If I look at myself in the mirror and say, "I am just right" people will think I'm a snob.  If I don't stress constantly about whether or not I'm in God's will, will people think I'm not seeking God?

But it is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  This week I feel like I am catching a better glimpse of who Jesus is and why he would humble himself to save me.  I am loved.  I am a deliberate creation.  When God says he has a plan for me - a plan to prosper me and not to harm me... I believe him! 

What a difference to live with hope, with a humble confidence (in Jesus, not myself), with joy, with wonder and delight in simple things and to face each decision with confidence that God is not testing me or disappointed with me.  I am his daughter.  He knows what he has created me for - for love, for joy, for peace, to add beauty to this world and to call out giftedness in those I meet.  

I am indeed overwhelmed to tears.  God is present.  He is active.  And is is FOR me, not against me.  I feel burdened for the hearts that are caught in the cycle of trying to please and trying to perform and trying to prove themselves.  I have been there.  I will be there again, I'm sure.  But today, I see Jesus.  I walk with him and I am astonished that he walks with me, and enjoys it. 

There is approval in the Kingdom of God.  There is celebration.  Thank you Father!  Please help me to remember and live these things.  Strengthen me to live free of the burdens that come so easily.  And teach me to be a burden lifter.  Thank you for all you have done for me!

2 comments:

Annie Parsons said...

I had no idea you had a blog!!

You are inspiring, Emily. I love the way that you process life, and the world, and your emotions. I have a lot to learn from you.

Michelle Ferguson said...

Oh Emily Aichele, you are quite the writer. I had a hunch this was true and now I have full blown proof (as well as excellent new reading material). I love your blog :) This particular entry struck me enough to be the one I chose to comment on. So profound my friend. And so true. I love hearing your thoughts on life, motherhood, wifehood, etc :) I love seeing someone enjoying and observing life as you do. I smile as I read your words. Thanks for reading mine too :) It's therapeutic for me to process my thoughts on a computer screen. And thank you also for your prayers! We can always use them. My life is amazing. I pray that I live it as gratefully as I should. I look forward to spending time with you and Andy at Christmas! Josh has already talked about when we are eventually home and his hope to maybe practice sometimes with Andy. Arm bar! This is my only UFC vocabulary word.

I am sorry to write you a novel of a comment. I don't think I have your e-mail address?

I adore you quite substantially.