A lot of days (maybe... almost, most days) I feel like I keep my beauty cravings in check, but then a day like today comes along and I am reminded of the true state of my heart.
Today was haircut day. I intended to just look at a few pictures of styles before I went to my appointment, but before I realized what I was doing, I had spent an hour looking at pictures of Victoria Beckham's beautiful hair AND perfect face AND sculpted body and losing every ounce of confidence I've ever had, all the while forming a list of the items I simply must acquire to up my beauty quotient - none of which I actually need. Why do I so easily buy into the culture of beauty when I know it is not what I want? (actually, I really do want to be beautiful... just not in that worldly, expensive way)
The hope of coming home more lovely than I left is always there on haircut day. Sometimes I cry when I realize that a trim didn't change the scale or shrink my nose or give me more money to buy all of the high-fashion accessories that I crave. Sometimes I keep my head and heart straight and just go about the business of getting my hair cut. And every so often I am able to be totally pleased with me, just the way I am.
Today my hair turned out fine... but not like the picture of Posh (ya think?!). I confess that left me disappointed. Silly girl that I am. Maybe one day I won't be won over by that foolish hope and cruel disappointment, but today, again, I was.
But here's the crux:
I serve a creative God. He thought of and executed everything beautiful on this planet. I firmly believe that my love of beauty starts as something holy, delight in what He has crafted and designed, but it quickly becomes distorted, misplaced and cheap. Instead of being in awe of HIM, the creator, I identify the creation and admire, verging on worship, it. I want it to be the other way around. I want to be transformed by the creator, not transfixed by the creation.
Oh Lord, please forgive me. Change my heart. Give me a new measure of beauty. Make me aware of what influences me and what I allow to speak into my heart. Strengthen me to live in a way that admires beauty, but is not consumed by it. Thank you for your faithfulness. And thank you for all things beautiful.