Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Dear Fancy

Dear Fancy,

I currently have a very troublesome problem. I have a deep-seated and unrelenting desire to visit a beautiful, perfectly-lit world called "Target." 

The problem??

I live in Cambodia.

I eagerly await your solution! 

~hopeful shopper

Dear Hopeful Shopper,

I regret to inform you that there is no substitute for the phenomenon of Target. However, I do not wish you to lose hope.  Consider practicing one, or all, of the following coping techniques:

Denial. Repeat after me.  "There is no Target.  There is no Target."  When you return to the States, it will be a wonderful surprise to discover that there is, in fact, Target.

Visualization. Set aside a small, bright section of your home or office for "Targeting."  Turn on as many lights as you are able, then close your eyes.  Imagine you are strolling the aisles of the shopping mecca.  What would you smell? Hear? Touch?  Let your mind's eye explore each aisle, with every imaginary turn satisfying your desire for a true shopping experience.  You may find it helpful to hold a broom handle in both hands, parallel to the ground, to simulate the feel of pushing a shopping cart and further enhance this mental exercise. 

Staging.  If possible, paint a large red logo of concentric circles on a prominent wall of your bedroom.  You could go so far as to hang oversized, shiny signage from your ceiling with fishing wire or to label each of your room furnishings with a price, printed in a bold red font.  These small adjustments to your living space will bring you peace as you patiently wait for you next opportunity to visit a Target location.

Self-exploration.  Take a moment to ask yourself, "Why do I want to go to Target?"  Is it the familiarity?  Is it the sensory experience? Is it the excuse to spent much more money than you originally planned because of the alluring colors and displays? After you have determined the source of this issue, you will be better able to address it.  For example, if it is simply the need to part with your funds, I am sure that you could find a willing partner to surrender your dollars to and relive you of the burden of over-cashed pockets.

Hopeful, I trust that you will find these strategies helpful.  Remember, these techniques will only help you when you fully give yourself to them.  Practice, practice, practice.  You may find, that after several weeks of mental conditioning, you are no longer burdened by your desire for the store.  I wish you luck in your endeavor.

Sincerely,

Fancy


5 comments:

Mrs. Nikki Blockhan said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I needed that laugh!

Sarah said...

HahaHa! That was hilarious! I love all of those techniques and there are plenty of Target's that I could go to.

onebzybe said...

Hahahaha! Very Funny!!! I wish I had read this BEFORE I visited Target, with Jorja, this morning... and fell pray to all the killer deals they were having! Sigh....

Rosemary said...

Dear Fancy,

I have a problem. With bedding. Particularly fitted sheets.

I pride myself in having a tidy house and drawers with everything tucked away neatly. However, when it comes time to fold fitted sheets, I despair. They start out almost tidy, corners wrapped around themselves... Then, before I know it, my fresh sheet is a triangular wad of cloth.

I was going to ask Martha Stewart, but was hoping you, my dear Miss Fancy, would be a bit more sympathetic to my plight. Martha intimidates me.

Yours,

Sufferer of Triangular Wad Syndrome

Michelle Ferguson said...

Oh Fancy,

You have offered many helpful suggestions. Thank you! I particularly enjoyed the thought of painting an oversized "Target" symbol on my wall somewhere.

I have decided to save the "surprise" element of this for my husband until after I have finished painting it! I can't wait to see the look of gratefulness and wonder that will appear upon his face at first glance.

And I will give all credit to you!

I am certain he will be e-mailing you shortly after with many words of affirmation and gratitude!

Thank you again!

~hopeful shopper/wall artist