Thursday, February 26, 2009

Good Thing We're Only Speaking Hypothetically

You know what might put a damper on a great mood?


If your baby is sick for a whole week.

Like really sick.  Like a temperature, and constant snot, and a chest rattling cough and absolutely no appetite.

That would be sad.

Hypothetically, what might make it even sadder might be that the mum of that poor sick baby is training for a race and wants to go to the gym, but can't because her infected child might infect all the other children.

And maybe, it would be even lamer if that mum was also a really social person who needs lots of interpersonal interactions (face to face people, not cyber) but is quarantined at home because of that poor sick baby. 

Maybe, we could make the story more interesting if we imagine that that socially deprived mum of that poor sick baby finally decided to at last shower and put on something other than her robe.  Low and behold, once she got out of the shower the poor sick baby was still sleeping so she decided to go all out and put her make up on and even dry her hair.

That might make this pretend story happier.  Especially if she finished with her hair and looked at herself in the mirror and thought, "Wow.  I'm smokin' today!  Since when has my hair looked this awesome?"

And probably, by the sounds of it, the next thing that mum would do is put on an actual grown up shirt, to compliment her hair.  Not like a tee shirt.  But like a fitted shirt.  Even one that has a deep vee.

Yes.  That is exactly what that mum would do.

Man I bet that mum looked good.

Then, hypothetically, she would do her best to keep the poor sick baby comfortable and happy until the handsome prince arrived home.  I bet, hypothetically, she would hear his car pull up and leap up, ready to be fawned over for her really fabulous hair.

Alas, hypothetically, the prince did arrive with a present for mum, I mean, he might have, but he also might have arrived with a new phone for himself, which was a significant distraction from the pretty mum.

It is a good thing that it only happened hypothetically because waiting to be noticed and then going unnoticed is very sad. 

It might, along with the cooped up feeling of being home with the poor sick baby all week, hypothetically, make a mum like that overreact to friendly teasing by the prince.

Then, feeling bad about overreacting and about wasting a good hair day the mum would, of course, in theory, end up in her good jeans and her grown up shirt, on the floor scrubbing crusty remnants of flung baby food (and since this hypothetical baby hasn't had an appetite for a week, you can imagine, hypothetically, how long the crust has been there). 

I bet, if I can guess where this story is going, that the mum and the prince made up quickly and both apologized and kissed to seal the deal. 

Hypothetically though, what if the prince had a prior engagement (on the calendar for months) that would leave the mum alone for the evening, on top of a solo day! I bet that mum would console herself with a trip to Target.

And I bet, when she went to Target she would try a few things on, just for the fun of it.  And, as is apt to be the case in a situation like the one we are discussing, I bet that mum looked in the mirror, under the glaring lights, and realized that her hair wasn't all that great and that her grown up shirt was covered in snot. 

I bet that mom quickly left the dressing room and headed straight home, hypothetically. 

And since it would be about par for the course in our story, I bet the mum enjoyed the outing but upon returning home realized that she forgot the two actual items that she needed.  

Hypothetically, my guess is that mom came home, snuggled her poor sick baby, gave him a bath, sung him a song, put him to bed and ordered pizza to be delivered with all of the toppings that she likes but the prince doesn't.  Then I think she took a deep breath, put on her prince's sweat pants, took her pizza to the couch and watched Survivor.  

That sounds exactly like what that mum would do. 



Adriane said...

That was so fun to read (but, I did feel for you!). That is why I don't do my hair or makeup unless I'm going to church...haha. If you wrote a book, I'd buy it...such a good writer!

Annie Peterson said...

So, so funny (and well-written!). Sorry for the rough day!

emilyruth said...

& what if there was a blog reader who read a great post & commented on it because it was just so great?
& that blog reader totally sympathized with the blog writer & agreed that target is the best place to go when you need a little pick me up?
& the blog reader was cheering for the blog writer because she made the day end in a way that was good for her?

i mean


ps love your writing :)
& that's not hypothetical