Coming Clean

I have a confession.

I don't always recycle.

Do you hate me?

Sometimes when I'm cooking and using lots of cans, like a soup that uses several cans of beans, I toss them in the sink with the good intention of rinsing them out and popping them in the recycling when I'm done with all my meal making. The problem is, when the sink is also full of dishes and the counters are cluttered, rinsing the cans seems like an avoidable portion of the work. Just toss them in the garbage under the sink and move on.

Surely it cuts a good 1.75 minutes out of my cleaning time!

And other days, Jack finds some jar or jug that I've put in the bin particularly interesting and pulls it out to play with it (which is why I must throughly rinse all containers that will eventually be recycled). After I have tripped over his favored juice bottle or tuna tin about three hundred and sixty two times, I am so tired of seeing it that I hide it from Jack... in the garbage can.

Does that make me a bad person.

Or more specifically, does that mean I have to hide myself in shame from all the faithful recyclers that inhabit the great Northwest?

I hope not.

I have another confession that might get me kicked out of my home state.

I don't really like soy milk.

What is the deal with soy anyway, is it good for you or not? I hear conflicting messages and I am confused.

Same with dairy.

And just about every other food group.

Someone somewhere always has a reason that some food is no good for the human race.

Sheesh.

Until I get straight answers I'll just keep eating what I love.

And I'll keep not liking soy milk.

I can handle it on my cereal. But it certainly doesn't cut it in my coffee and please, please don't ask me to drink it straight.

But milk seems to make both of my babies gassy, as well as my darling man...

...who is in Mexico

building a house

and who I was bravely living without

until he called me

and I was reminded of how very much I adore him

and now I keep wishing

he would come home and tuck me in,

but alas

he will not be back in The States

for another two days.

Instead of filling my fridge with multiple milk products I just go with the gang and have soy when I want cereal. But frankly, it isn't really cutting it for me. I am trying to decide if it is worth it to have Joey squirm and fuss after I drink it and therefore he drinks it... and when I think about that, I realize that I'll just have to make do for a while.

Oh the sacrifices we mothers make!

We've tried Almond, Rice and "Grain Drink" in addition to the soy. Not a single one of them are delicious, but because soy is questionable I thought I should at least give them a go. Soy by far is the least objectionable... but seriously... is soy a yey or nay these days?

Anyone?

Feel Free To Copy Me

Next week marks the beginning of what I hope will be a thriving and delicious tradition.

Starting Monday, three families (counting my own) are embarking on a dinner co-op experiment.

What I mean is, one night a week I will cook a big meal and deliver portions to two of my neighboring families. Then, they will do the same for me. So I will cook one big meal each week, and get two worry-free meals in exchange. That sounds lovely to me.

Especially since cooking six adult servings is really not that much more work than cooking two.

In my mind this plan is a terrific one. I only hope that it turns out as perfectly as I am imagining.

What should I make for my first meal delivery? Oh the choices!

Speaking of food choices, yesterday I made the most spectacular spinach salad for lunch. This felt like a major accomplishment since I have mostly eaten microwaved nachos for lunch the last few months. I think there is something about hot cheese and corn chips that sooth me when I'm tired and strained. Remember how I used cheesy dip to cope after Jack was born?

Anyhow, my salad had a lush base of spinach and was generously topped with pear cubes, avocado and cucumber (and maybe a little feta cheese). I am planning on having another today.

Okay, and speaking of food in general, have you ever wanted to be a food blogger?

My friend Rosemary is one and she is getting famous. It is pretty awesome to know someone who is in the process of becoming famous.

If I were to confess a whim of my heart, it would be to have a blog like this or this.

I love the look. I love the idea of having different components of self-promoted expertise. If I ever had a big blog, I would have a tab for food, a tab for marriage, one for weird kids and maybe one for "Dear Fancy." What I really love is bossing. And telling people what to do and how to do it, which is, basically, bossing, and I already said that...

Awkward pause...

Anyway, I'm too afraid and lazy to ever set out to host a big blog. So I'll just have to continue to secretly dream and enjoy what other people have accomplished.

But back to the original question, what to make on Thursday for six adults to impress them and make them look forward to every time it is my turn to bring dinner?

I addition to bossing I also like impressing.

I think that might be something I need to reign in... but until a major internal examination and attitude overhaul, I still need to plan dinner!

Your ideas are welcome!

Bits and Pieces

Well, it is snowing again today.  I part love the novelty of it, I part wrinkle my nose in distaste at the disruption it causes to my out-and-aboutness.

On Friday I almost rescued a stray dog, but didn't. 

I get so mad at myself when I forget to velcro bibs together before putting them in the wash.  Inevitably they latch onto one of my favorite pieces of clothing and leave an unsightly "fuzzy" spot. 

Jack and Dane are entertaining themselves quietly and happy right now.  It is a first and I LOVE IT!!

Despite the snow I am in Spring Mode, including the need to clean (not that I have done it yet) and organize (ditto).  I am in the market for two large bookshelves if you are clearing any out of your home. 

Happy Birthday dad!

I'm thinking of growing my hair out a bit.  I really want a perm.  Is that crazy?

My new deodorant smells REALLY good. 

I already ate lunch but I want to eat a second lunch.  Or maybe I just had elevenses and it really is time for lunch. 

I'm ready for an international trip. 

Texas will tide me over. 

I need to update my wall calendar for this week.

Tomorrow I have to swim again.

Oh yeah!  I got a core ball yesterday, I should blow it up and let the boys play with it!

Do you know a woman, in person, who has awesome abs?  Is it just a myth?  Do they really exist? 

I need to cook my red chard but don't know how.

Debbie Myers produce bags really work.

My lips are chapped.

I'm sorry that today is not Tuesday.  

...

Ooops, looks/sounds like independent play time is over. 

Gotta go. 

My Scale is Broken

Hey! Did you know that today is the beginning of Lent?

I forgot that it was coming around until I saw someone's FB status of what they were forgoing for the next 46 days (Lent ends April 11th this year).

I've done Lenten fasts in the past, but never really held it as a tradition in my life.  I love resolutions and the beginning of new things, but I've felt trite giving up some bad habit for 40 days because of a liturgical tradition I'm really not all that familiar with. 

However, as I've been asking my body to do more work at the gym (except this week as Jack is still a pitiful, sleepy, snugly, snotty lump) my good eating habits have dropped.  I know that seems weird, but it is happening.  I think I didn't prepare for the increase in my appetite and when I felt unusually hungry instead of eating a snack to fuel my exercise I eat a snack to "treat myself."

On Monday I was realizing that my sweet tooth has become a sweet habit.  I'm simply in the habit of grabbing something sweet and fast.  

I know you know what I'm getting at.  

Starting today, I will say no to: cookies, cake, brownies, ice cream and candy.  I thought about going NO sugar, but that involves reading all the food labels and forgoing my coffee.  I'm not nearly that motivated.

Who knows, I might be in 46 days. 

Here is why I've decided to participate in Lent this year:

1. I was already thinking about giving up sweets, so I don't feel like I've been coerced or guilted into giving something up just to sound spiritual.
2. Sweets are not good for me.
3. I think it is very good practice to occasionally deny myself things that I want (shoes, "me time," praise) but don't need.
4. My "three pound flux" on the scale used to err toward minus three.  This week it has consistently "erred" plus three. 

So there you go friend.  Day one.  Good thing I didn't have a brownie for breakfast!

Are YOU practicing restraint in any area of your life, for Lent or otherwise?

Flexing

DISCLAIMER:  I am not really as full of myself as the following might sound.  Well, I might be, a little.  Shoot!  But this is what you get instead of my blanket advice that I wanted to subject EVERYONE to, which, in reality, I will probably write about at some time or another anyway, because it is really good advice.  But really, I am not a bossy snob. I promise.

And now, on with the show...

I have a very unique skill.  

Well, maybe it isn't unique, but it is very useful.

Well, maybe it isn't useful, but I'm glad that I have it.

I give great pep-talks.  

Need a little go-get-'em-tiger?  I'm your gal.  

Need a healthy dose of buck-up-cowgirl?  You know who to call.

But here is the problem.  

I don't interact with people who need my cheering every day.  I think that was one of the best perks of working in an office.  So many chances to step up on my soap box and send my fledgling words of inspiration into the air.

Okay, I admit.  I call it a pep-talk, as if it is cheering someone on.  But sometimes it is just bossing. 

I really like bossing.

Long ago 

my mom told me 

that if I ever started a business 

I should call it, 

"Let Me Boss You."

I think that is why Life Coaching

appeals to me so much.

People who WANT to be bossed.

The angles are singing.

It really would be the perfect job for me.

Unfortunately Jack isn't old enough for me to boss effectively.  And my husband is pretty awesome without me interfering, so neither of my boys require me to flex my advice giving muscles.  

GUYS!!!

I need a good bossing/pep-talking/advice giving workout.  

So, let's start, "Dear Fancy."

Need advice? Ask away! 

I won't even charge you!!  Now that is a DEAL!

For a limited time only, Fancy is open for business.  You send me your question, and I will respond with a personalized and, if you wish, private solution to your dilemma.  What could be better?!  

But wait.

It does get better!

Oh sorry, it doesn't. 

Free advice is as good as it gets.  

So ask away dear children.  Ask away.  

Please Advise

I've woken up with a headache the last few days.  It isn't normal for me, so it has me pondering.

It could be this of course.

But do you know what I think it really is?  

I'm afraid to admit it.

I think I have a problem with caffeine.

I didn't drink coffee until I was pregnant with Jack.  But since then, I've sucked it down.  I went through a very expensive phase when I had an Iced Caramel Macchiato from Starbucks, everyday. 

My budget couldn't handle that, so I quit.  But I've replaced it with an iced chai every morning (made at home).  Lately I've been adding a cup of coffee or a second caffeinated tea in the early afternoon.

I think when I wake up, my body is saying, with a headache, "Hey! It has been hours since you've feed us that sweet, sweet coffee!  Get on it already!"

So here are my options:

1. Give up coffee and caffeinated tea all together.  Cold turkey.  Free myself completely from this evil affliction. 
   
2. Switch to decaf options.  (The problem I have with this is that I still add a ton of sugar and milk to my coffee, so I'm still pumping myself full of not-so-good-for-me-calories.)
   
3. Drop the coffee (with all the add-ins) and stick with tea.
4. Don't care at all and give into the addiction.  After all, I live in Seattle.  I'm not the only one with this problem. 
   

So?

Friends.  

What am I to do?  My decision making skills are clouded by my recent ardor of dark brown and creamy beverages. 

Please advise.

Now, if you will excuse me.  I have half a cup of chai that needs my undivided attention.

Longing

Okay, so I know I just posted the pictures of Jack's haircut and you are probably thinking, "Emily, why didn't you just make one post instead of two different ones?  Silly girl."

Well, you are right about the silly part, but I do have a line of reasoning that at one time sounded logical to me. 

I'm not sure about that now.

You can judge:

1. My last several posts have been VERY long and I was trying to practice brevity today.
2. I thought I would save this post (not all the explaining part, but what will come) for tomorrow so that I would have something to entertain you with, but it won't leave my mind so I have to do it NOW.
3. I wanted to tell you about Jack's trim, but it didn't really flow with my other thoughts.
4. I'm just like that some times.
   

So here is what I have been thinking: 

Do you have in mind a way that you find yourself asking God to use you?  Is there something that just calls to you, but you know you can't tackle with your own strength?

That might not be clear.  Let me try again.

For example.  Do you really wish you could influence high schoolers to develop a sincere and deep relationship with God?  Do you ask God to give you the gift of healing, even while at the same time you would be terrified if he actually did?  Do you long to be used to lead individuals to a place of intimacy with their Creator through worship?

I long to be used.  But I am afraid of it too.  To open myself up to be sent, to be available, to be obedient means that I relinquish control.  It means that my actions would reflect GOD's glory, not feed my own selfish ambition.  It means that I might see miracles and I honestly don't know how I would respond to signs and wonders.

I love Jesus.  I am grateful.  I pray, read my bible and journal.  At the same time I am immersed in a culture of depression, cynicism and judgment, not to mention the "I did it my way" mentality that is so forcefully promoted.  To be called by a big God means that he might actually do big things around me.  I might be "that weird Christian girl."

That is just a tiny bit scary. 

But it is what I crave.

I know that I honor God by loving my husband, by stewarding well what He has given us, by praying over my baby.  I also know that my faithfulness with the little things is essential.  I can't help but wonder though, will I ever be trusted with something bigger?

But big and little are my own definitions.  I am certain that God does not see the impact of me cheering on my husband as any less important than a pastor preaching to hundreds or a worship leader writing a beautiful song.  My scope is so limited.  God sees the ripples that go out from my obedience and, to HIM, they matter.  

If I could choose where to be sent, I would choose hurting marriages.  It feels foolish to even say.  Andy and I have been wed for two years, which is not all that long, but in those two years I have been so challenged and rewarded.  I have seen how easily bad habits form and I have experienced the deep joy that comes from being in a unified relationship.

We have all heard, "marriage takes work." No matter how much it is touted, it is still ambiguous.  What does that mean? What kind of work? 

I think, by God's infinite grace, I am starting to understand.

I hurt for husbands and wives who seem burdened by their wedding bands.  I am pained to hear sharp criticism come from the mouth of a woman toward her spouse, whether he is present or not. I am crushed to see my peers buried in busyness, obligation and performance instead of filled with life and freedom.

A sense of urgency has been growing in my spirit.  It cannot wait until I am "more experienced" or "older" or whatever.  If my spirit is stirred, it is called.  

Yet I am still afraid. 

I think that fear is good.  It reminds me that I, Emily, will not be the one to change marriages.  I, Emily, will not be the one to speak truth.  I, Emily, am simply a woman who has opened herself to Jesus Christ to be used as HE sees fit.  

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom..." Proverbs 9:10

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."  1 Timothy 4:12

So I set forth today, acknowledging to you all that I have opened myself up to God's lead in a fresh way.  Until I see the next step, I will stand tall in my youth, inexperience and fear, and believe that God is my god and he is delighted to send me. 

Your prayers are greatly appreciated.  

Book Report

I try and make one or two trips to the Library each month.  It saves me from mindless tv watching and provides me with something to occupy my "me" time.

On top of that, I just love reading!  Words are so fascinating to me and I enjoy absorbing the wonderful (and sometimes not-so-wonderful) ways that writers string them together.

My usual MO is to go to the Library, return my previous selection then grab a few books at random.  My favorite sections are the New Book and Mystery isles.  I've also discovered the Board Books for check out and it has entertained Jack to no end!  

Given that it is now perfect snuggle-up-inside-with-a-good-book weather, I thought I would pass along some titles that have been entertaining me.  Just because I love you.

Here goes:

Gluten-Free Girl by Shaua James Ahern

I originally picked up this book because my dad has been having some weird medical issues which have been loosely tied to a wheat allergy.  I also have a cousin who has been diagnosed with Celiac Disease, the topic of this book.

I'm not sure what I expected, but whatever it was, this book was far, far better.  The author is educated and passionate about sharing her experience with the diagnoses of CD and provides a glimpse of her life as she has embraced a new, gluten-free way of living.

The way she talks about food is beautiful and makes me want to stop by her house for dinner.  The whole thing was totally inspiring and challenged a lot of the ways I view food (she has some good, if not biting, commentary on the American way of eating).

Just be warned, Shauna is so good about touting the joys of gluten-free that you might just want to jump on her ship. I am seriously considering it :-)

The Ridiculous Race by Steve Hely and Vali Chandrasekaran 

This book is hilarious.  Really.  I was reading it in bed one night and burst out laughing.  Andy just looked at me and asked, "How can you laugh at a book?" There are some things that just can't be explained.

The premiss is that Steve and Vali (in real life they are writers for sitcoms) challenge each other to a race around the world without using airplanes. I don't think I would want to be friends with either of the authors, but i sure appreciated their sense of humor and friendly banter.  

How Starbucks Saved My Life by Michael Gates Gill

I know that there are many, many thoughts about Starbucks.  Some good, some bad.  I confess that I really love the coffee giant.  I love the weekly planner I bought at Starbucks.  I love my iced Carmel Machiatto.  I love that if my drink tastes weird or isn't what I asked for, it is not rude to ask for it to be fixed.  I love that the baristas engage in conversation.  I love a meeting place that is outside of work or home, but still feels familiar.  On top of all my warm feelings toward SB, I also am completely fascinated with their ability to become such an institution, especially in Seattle.

So when I saw this book, I picked it up immediately.  Turns out, it is not so much about Starbucks, but more about a man's journey to understanding human interaction and satisfaction in life.  

It sounds a little cheesy I guess, and maybe it is a little, but I read it during a week that I was feeling a little blue and  a little discouraged and it kind of snapped me out of it.  It is a quick read and worth the trip to the Library (that totally sounds like a Reading Rainbow sum-up, doesn't it?).

Side Story:

A few quarters ago, Andy was taking a

Children's Literature course for school.

He was supposed to go the the library and

get a book to discuss on an online forum,

but forgot.  So instead he just went to 

Reading Rainbow on the web and listened to

one of the kids read the book out loud.

Ha!

Oh Andy!

So I had pretty good luck with my non-fiction selection, but my fiction choices were all a little mediocre.

Worth Reading:

Sammy's Hill by Kristen Gore.  Very Funny.  One of my all time favorite novels.  Another laugh-out-loud title.

Patricia Brigg's "Mercy Thompson Novels" These are only worth reading if you kind of like sci-fi/fantsy books, which I admit that I do.  The first book in the series is "Moon Called."

The Next Think on My List by Jill Smolinski.  I'm usually not a big chic lit fan, but I enjoyed this one.  

Don't Bother:

The Snow Empress by Laura Joh Rowland.  Maybe one of the most poorly written historical novels I've ever read.  I kept trying to give the author the benefit of the doubt and assume that it would pick up toward the end, but it didn't.  

I've got another trip planned for this week. Do you have any suggestions for me?

He waved to ME

Okay, so I know everyone is dying to know about my clandestine appointment with Clinton Kelly.  

In my previous post, I had a few questions about how the day would go, let me address those first:

Were there guards?  No.  Unless you count the woman turing away those hopeful of catching a glimpse of C.K. but did not have a ticket.  Fortunately WE had tickets.  Also, there were women of all shapes and sizes present, though the presentation was geared toward plus-sized frames.

What did I wear?  As usual leading up to an event, my closet's contents seemed woefully inadequate, but I told myself to get over it.  I spent much too much time lamenting my lack and far too little time celebrating what I do have.  So I wore a pair of grey tweed-ish plants (long and straight, just like Clinton and Stacy advise - thank you Value Village), an apple green wrap top that looks quite good with my red hair and a pair of metallic purple peep-toes.  It was a pretty good ensemble.  

Did I win the $500 shopping date with Clinton?  No. But he did wave to me when he was in the store.  Probably because when I saw him my face flushed and my mouth kind of went slack and my expression was both one of awe, fear and delight.  But still, Clinton Kelly waved at ME!

Also, let me clarify something.  I know that it is silly to get so invested in a tv personality.  I'm not really obsessed.  I just enjoy being dramatic about some things, What Not to Wear and Clinton happen to be a couple of the things I like to be dramatic about.  That being said, here are some of the tips that I remember...

1. Shoes ALWAYS set the mood of an outfit.
   
2. Get professionally fitted for a bra.
   
3. Have your clothes tailored.
   
4. When you find a pair of jeans that you love, buy two pairs - one to wear with flats, one to wear with heals (Of course this means that you will need to have them tailored).
   
5. When assembling an out fit mix and match: color, pattern, texture, shine.
6. T-shirts do not count as clothes.  They are only acceptable for layering, loungewear or the gym.
7. To find clothes that fit and are fabulous - you have to try A LOT on.  He said that on average the women on the show try on 20 pairs of jeans before they find one that fits.

It was really such a blast to sit and listen to a charming, well spoken and handsome man.  I especially enjoyed his information about "what you don't see" on the show and his parting comments which advocated for women to embrace their beautiful selves and stop beating themselves up for not looking like the "fake" women in advertisements.

Thank you Clinton!

One of the startling things he said was that of the 240 women that he has worked with on WNTW, only two have been able to say they are happy with their bodies.  What a sad, sad number!  I left feeling very challenged to become one of those women and spur my friends on to the same.

Women are beautiful.  We receive so many messages that say we CAN be beautiful, but those messages are all conditional. If you buy this, if you wear that, if you change this, if you...

Am I willing to be the odd-woman-out and love the shell that God has given me to inhabit while on this earth?  Am I willing to talk nicely to myself, in private and in public?  Am I willing to ruthlessly edit the messages that I receive through media - cancel magazine subscriptions and delete shows from my DVR, if that is what it takes?  Am I willing to let others compliment me and receive those kind words as truth?  Am I willing to train my thoughts to dwell on the positive and stop comparing, stop chastising, stop chasing?  I think I am.

Are you?

a happy day and a dilemma

At this very moment I am listening to Andy have his first in-home guitar lesson.  Jack is sound asleep and has been for an hour and a half.  I've got a painting on the table drying, my house is mostly clean and my refrigerator is well stocked.

Ahhh... life is good.

It has been a very contemplative week. I feel like there are so many thoughts to send out into the wide world that they are jammed in my head and unable to make their way though my fingers and onto the screen.   Although, it could just be that I am concentrating so hard on being inconspicuous while Andy is instructed that I have no brain power left for creative prose.

Could be.

In the midst of my good day (which involved not one but TWO outings with friends and my first purchase of spiced cider) I am also facing a dilemma. 

I think I am going to return my orange jacket

GASP!

Yes, I know how excited I was about it, but let's be realistic for a moment. I have a baby who is a perpetual fountain of regurgitated milk.  It is gross.  I have yet to wear that beloved jacket for fear that it is going to be immediately doused with slimy white baby backwash. That would make me cry and I really try and avoid situations that make me cry.

Sigh.

My mom's argument was, "Won't you cry when you return it?"

Perhaps, but I don't think that I will.  

I could keep an article of clothing because it was expensive and it is beautiful.  But it is impractical. Or I could return it and spend the money on something more sensible.  My responsible self knows that I need to return the jacket.  Unless someone can talk me out of it, the jacket is going back this week.  

Other minor updates:

• I purged my purse of the old and unloved lip glosses
  
• I still am not that impressed with Facebook
  
• Jack is eating fruit AND Cherrios
  
• The tickets arrived for my big date with Clinton Kelly and I think I may have accidentally be registered for a plus-size event (ack!  I must meet Clinton!)
  
• I still haven't got my mascara
• I love my husband and my baby (how could you not love these guys?)

Does Anybody Know?

I'm trying to do my part and be a little more eco-conscious.  Aren't we all?

Now that Jack is making a mess of his face a few times a day I'm working hard to use a washcloth to wipe the gunk off, instead of paper towels. But here's the thing.  Washcloths stink.  They do.  

I use one once, hang it flat to dry, and the next time I go to use it it smells so gross! GROSS!  The stink sticks to my hands and every surface it comes in contact with.  Let me say it again, GROSS!

So, what's the deal?  Am I washcloth challenged? Am I doing something wrong?  Or do you just have to pay the price of stinky... everything... in order to save the planet?  

Help me please, someone help me.  

Annie, I have high hopes that you have the answer to this one.