Stage an Intervention

I have already confessed that I get kind of wrapped up in the Biggest Loser. But today I had a realization.

The Biggest Loser is a gateway show for me.

As I launched into my adult life I set out with a sort of... hmm... distaste... disregard... distain... of television. I lived in three different apartments before Andy and I got married and never once did it cross my mind to sign up for cable service.

I think it started when I was still living at home and I realized that I didn't like the show Friends. To be more accurate, I realized that I DID like Friends, or at least found it entertaining, and I wished that I didn't. Something clicked in my brain that I was laughing at situations and comments that if I were to participate in, in my real life, would be appalling to me. I realized that I was finding depictions of sin and dismissal of God, entertaining.

So, I try to keep the television off as much as possible.

At least, until the Biggest Loser came along.

But that was just the beginning.

Now...

... I have a LINE UP.

People! I have a show each night that I look forward to!

GAH! THIS CAN NOT BE!

Biggest Loser.

Survivor.

American Idol. American Idol? Me? Watching American Idol? I never thought I would see the day!

Throwdown with Bobby Flay (I'm okay with this one. It is a food show. Food shows are totally allowed!)

And now, the cherry on top, is that I know what made last night's Rose Ceremony on The Bachelor "the most exciting one yet."

Sigh.

I don't know what to say for myself. The facts don't lie, and neither does my DVR.

I may not need an intervention yet, but if you come to my house and find US or People lying around, please, PLEASE do something to save me from myself.

I'm back, but I'm rambling

Well, we are now down to the last month of pregnancy.

Wow.

The beautiful thing is that as the due date gets closer, rather than become more nervous and more concerned with the details of bringing home baby number two, I find myself eager to meet Joey and confident in my family's ability to grow to four with grace and joy.

Not only is my confidence in our family growing, but in the last weeks I have been so amazed by the show of support and affection from my dear, dear friends. I have been well celebrated, affirmed, encouraged and gifted with more than I ever, ever imagined.

I'm out of the habit of blogging, though I have started a post in my head about every other day. Unfortunately, none of those brain-posts translated to reality. The stories are lost and my witticisms never had a chance to be enjoyed.

Poor witticisms.

Even now, I can tell that I can't quite put together a whole story the way I'd like to, but that could be because Andy insists on watching the Bachelor, which is the show that I hate the very most in the world.

It is hard to compose a clever and well-ordered presentation of real life with syrupy and cliche sentiments being exchanged between one man and four women in the background.

I'm so sorry if you really happen to enjoy the Bachelor, but seriously, I CAN NOT STAND IT! Gag me gag me gag me. Gross. Ughhh... It is torture to even have to hear snippets of the conversations from such a show. And the thought of that guy kissing all those girls and professing love to four women at once makes my skin crawl.

So, while I may not be able to concentrate on building an engaging story line in text, I am happy to have a way to turn my back on such a horrible show. Even if the ramblings from the tv box still haunt me...

Hmm... it may not be enough to simply turn my back on the show. I may have to resort to more significant sources of distraction. Good thing I have a box of hair dye in the bathroom and a stack of thank you cards to entertain myself with.

If those two things fail, I will continue my online perusal of double strollers. An undertaking that has absorbed WAY too many hours of my life. I'm lost in the world of tandems, side-by-sides, sit & stands... can anyone out there answer all of my stroller questions?

Please?

I'm going crazy!

But that could just be the creepy-crawlies that Bachelor-man is giving me.

GGGGROOOOSSSSSS!

Free Time

Abruptly, Jack has gone back to two naps a day.

I don't expect it will last much longer, but for now, it means that I have two separate chunks of about an hour and a half all to myself.

I could use this time to tidy up, or take a nap, or read a book. But I find myself totally restless and totally aimless.

What is that about?

What a waste of all of those hours of napping!

Shame on me!

But it is okay right? To waste time on occasion?

Please tell me it is okay.

And please tell me that you have been thinking all day about the premier of Biggest Loser.

And please tell me it is okay to enjoy BL so much.

Oh dear.

I'm a mess.

But a happy mess.

For all my aimless hours, lacking in productivity, I find myself enjoying lounging on the couch watching my newest obsession and dreaming of all the things I would some day do to make over my bedroom.

I am glad that I have space in my life to dream.

Well here I am, blathering on. Not making any sense. Please forgive me.

Pregnancy does something to my brain.

As excited as I am to meet our new miss or mister, I will be delighted to have my body and mind back to myself (as much as can be with a newborn and toddler).

Speaking of meeting our baby... we get to find out the gender in about three weeks!

SQUEEEEE!

Pleasepleasepleaseplease let it be a girl!

How Do You Spell Trouble?

HGTV.

That's how.

Guys, I don't know what has happened to me. Usually, I am an avid NON-TV watcher during the day. I don't like the noise of having it on all the time and I don't like getting sucked into shows that add nothing to my thoughts or skills.

I guess that might sound kind of pompous, but I don't mean it that way, I just usually don't like TV.

But there are occasional days, especially days when I have two needy babies, that the sound of adult voices is welcome, even if they are coming from a box.

I don't know if it is because I have a lingering cold and am feeling less energetic than usual, or if it is because I'm trying to tune out the constant refrain that says, "Put on your running shoes and get going!" Whatever the initial cause, I have found myself totally wrapped up in home improvement shows and room make-overs found on the Home and Garden channel.

The trouble isn't just that I am totally captivated by shows that teach you how to make your home more appealing to potential buyers... it's that both Andy and I are sucked in. We stayed up WAY too late last night, totally mesmerized by the pretty new paint colors and the interesting floor plans.

And that is only problem number one. Number two is that just like fashion makeovers leave me feeling unhappy with what I have and wishing for $5000 to redo my whole exterior, these room redesigns are leading me to look at my own humble (and sweet) abode with distaste. Where I have usually been content and enjoyed my home's character and ability to offer shelter and warmth and a place to connect with friends, I now see only the flaws and our financial limitations for creating that illusive "perfect space."

I refuse to live with the feelings of "less than" just because I can't afford an interior designer to come remake my home, or even the perfect shag rug. I have comfortable chairs and lots of ice water to offer hot, tired guests.

So, consider this my warning to you. If you are not an avid HGTV watcher, don't ever, EVER turn it on. It gets you in the first half hour! And if you ARE a fan, be careful how it affects your eyes. TV will do that to you... make you feel like you and what you have is completely inadequate.

So now, I am gearing up for a day that includes running shoes, moving couches, cleaning counters, appreciating what I have... and maybe just one teensy weensy show... or maybe not.

I Feel a Rant Coming On

I'm sitting on my living room floor, folding laundry and watching the most recent episode of What Not To Wear. You all know how much I love WNTW... but guys. I feel a rant coming on.

As they often do, Clinton and Stacy are making over a poor, sloppy mom. It happens to be "Blossom." I can't seem to remember her real name just now. I never watched Blossom, but I like the way the actress talks. She is very well spoken and uses nice, big words.

But what is making me want to rant is that she keeps saying, "I don't have time for me." "I'm such a busy mom."  Blah blah blah!!!!

PEOPLE!!!

I can NOT stand this refrain that is sung over and over and over to, and from, moms. I am a mom. I get messy. My clothes get ruined. I get tired some days. I spend many, many hours with a baby in tow. But it does NOT mean that I only think about me as a mom and it does not mean that Jack is my ONLY consideration when I get dressed and it most defiantly does not mean that I order my life to accommodate every single whim of the small person in my home.

Where is the balance? How did it come to be that moms are expected to be 100% about their kids, but at the same moment are bombarded with magazine articles and makeover shows helping them "fix" their "it is all about the kids" attitude?

I know we are getting into sensitive territory. Motherhood is very personal. 

In addition to wadding through all the media stores, cultural expectations and church stigmas, moms also face the physical effects of sleep deprivation and hormonal fluctuations. The combination of these factors make it so hard to make decisions that we are proud of or even feel like we have a choice in how we do things. 

But doesn't something seem amiss?

I've pondered for the last few weeks now about writing about how I've come to view motherhood and the things I've been learning as a whole woman in this season. I am finding that I have strong opinions.

However, the timing doesn't seem quite right yet.  And, truth be told, it is frightening to put my thoughts about parenting out there to be criticized and questioned. I don't want to add to the mountain of information that is really just opinion.  I KNOW that what works for me will not work for someone else. I KNOW that what works for our family this week will most likely not work next month.

But I also know that I am doing my best to listen to the Holy Spirit and am trying to approach each day with a big perspective. Letting "mother" be an appropriate part of the whole. 

So maybe some day I'll work up the courage to publicly put to paper where Andy and I are coming from, and more importantly,  what we're moving toward, as parents. But for today, I will simply turn off yet another show that tries to tell me that all mothers must surrender themselves, fashion and soul, to their children. 

And I will pray for the moms that I know.

Pray for courage, for peace, for freedom from lies that have worked their way into family dynamics. 

To all of you moms, and yet to be mothers, I'm cheering for you. Our roles ARE important. You ARE a great mom. And you most defiantly can be the most stunning and fresh version of YOURSELF while you parent. 

So DO IT!

Embarrassing But True

At this very moment Jack is dozing off to sleep.  I am staring at a house that has been ransacked by a lovely, long, messy play date and am toying with the idea of taking a nap instead of restoring it to order.

Oh the luxury of motherhood.  Deciding that naps rank higher on the priority list than dishes.  

But before I cozy up in my down comforter, I have a confession.  

Every Monday I wake up disappointed.  Disappointed that it is not Tuesday.

Care to guess why?

Because Tuesday is Biggest Loser night of course!  

I am hopelessly addicted to the Biggest Loser.  

I'm not sure why I've made such a deep and long lasting commitment to a reality show, but I have.  

Confession #2: I cry almost every episode.  I know Jillian and Bob are over the top with the self-empowerment speeches, but I just can't help but think, "These people may have never thought of themselves in any good terms."  I also cry because I can just imagine the change in their lives when they are 100 pounds lighter.  

I'm a sucker for any sort of make over, really.  But these people are doing the work.  They are learning how to change the course of their lives.  It is good to see people opt for exercise and healthy eating instead of surgery or pills.  I really get emotional when they are able to go off of the 13 medications they have to take each day or when they can fit into some outfit they thought was just a dream.  

Confession #2.5: Pill-popping and quick-fix "health" gimmicks really get me riled up.  I am very sad for our nation and its struggle with obesity and health in general.  I know I'm a bit hypocritical - I know I could do better for my body (read confession #3) but I would say that I live by an 80/20 scale.  80% good for me, 20% for fun.... sometimes 70/30.  But I ache for families that consume only meals from boxes or drive-thrus, or whose primary entertainment comes from a glowing box.  How can so many people just not know how to care for themselves?  

I better step off my soap box before I get too squirly. 

Confession #3: When I wake up on Mondays and face the disappointment of waiting one more whole day to see the next chapter in the Biggest Loser journey, I usually console myself by doing some sort of baking.  

Then I eat whatever I've baked as I watch the Biggest Loser.  

Don't tell me you don't do the same thing!

Brownies have been the craving lately.  Or chocolate chip cookies.  But I think my baking phase is dying down (luckily, the more I'm in the gym, the less I want sweets).  Maybe I'll go back to microwave kettle corn.  Maybe. 

Confession #4: When I go to the gym on Wednesday, I visualize Bob coaching me as I run on the treadmill.  There is no way I would want to face the wrath of a Biggest Loser trainer, so I run extra far or push just a little bit harder than I do the rest of the week because I have a fresh mental picture of someone cheering me on.

By the way, I added

a whole mile

to my run today.

I'm feeling pretty smug.

That brings my mileage to

TWO

miles.

Woohoo.

Oh.

I guess I still have more work to do.

But we've got to celebrate the small things.

Right?

Confession #5: Biggest Loser is my gateway reality show.  I scorned reality tv for so long.  Now, not only do I watch B.L., but I also keep up with Survivor.  WHAT!?  Why?

I don't know why!

I just do.

Confession #6: I'm blushing from all this self-revelation.  I hope you still love me even after you know my shameful secrets.

Now, I have about 30 minutes left to close my eyes and ignore the scattered toys.  After that, it is back to the pick up, play chase, tickle tummy, start dinner routine.  

I have not baked anything yet today, and I just might resist this week.  After all, I want Bob and Jillian to be proud.

And I want to not feel my bum bounce when I add my next mile.